Rod and Cone

*The following episode was taped before a live studio audience.*

{Setting:  The interior of a well-decorated urban apartment, as seen in most television sitcoms post-1990.  A pale green overstuffed sofa serves as the centerpiece of the main living area, which also includes a large window looking out at the surrounding cityscape.  Bookshelves line the side wall adjacent to the large window, and said shelves are adorned with various personality-describing bric-a-brac, such as sports trophies and portraits of family  members, not to mention a gaudy neon-pink stuffed penguin.}

{Audience applauds as one of our main characters, James Cone, enters the apartment carrying a briefcase.  He throws his bright blue overcoat on a nearby chair and places his briefcase gingerly on a round table next to the chair.  He takes a step back and eyeballs the briefcase, then gently turns it about 15 degrees clockwise before taking another step back.  He nods and smiles.  The audience laughs and applauds.}

Cone: “Rod!  You home?”

{Cue more audience applause as our other main character, Rod Johnson, groggily walks into the living room from a side doorway.  He yawns and shuffles to the couch, wearing gray pajama pants and a black bathrobe.  His dark hair resembles a bird’s nest.}

Rod:  “Home already, Cone?  Did you have a half-day today or something?”

Cone:  “Rod, it’s 6:00 in the evening.”

{Audience laughter.}

Rod:  “Oh.  Sooo, what’s for dinner?”

Cone:  “I’ll tell you what’s for dinner.  For you, either Chinese takeout or pizza.  I have a date and thus will be eating out tonight.”

{Audiences makes the “OOOOOOOooooOOOOOOoooooo” sound.}

Rod:  “A date?  Who wants to go on a date with you?  Was she drawn in by all your garish colored suits?”

Cone:  “For your information, she’s a highly discerning individual, like me.  We met on a sunny day downtown after work a few weeks ago and have had lunch several times.  Her name is Photon.”

Rod:  “Like the couch?”

Cone:  “That’s a futon; her name is Photon.  I think her parents were hippies.”

{Audience laughs.}

Rod:  “Well that’s just delightful.  You’re going out and galavanting about town while I’m left to sit here in this hole of an apartment in my dark bedroom.”

Cone:  “But you like the dark.”

Rod:  “That’s beside the point!  The point is, you seem to get all the Photons.  I’m lucky if a girl glimpses me in her periphery, let alone shoots me a full-on glance.”

{Audience “awwwwwwww’s”.}

Cone:  “But Rod, that’s your own fault!  How do you expect to be seen when you hang out on the fringe all the time; you need to be in the center of things, like me!”

Rod:  “Well thank you for the advice, Mr. Sunny Disposition.  I’ll meditate on your words while I’m sitting here alone.”

{Rod gets up from the couch and enters the adjoining kitchen area.  He opens the refrigerator and removes a brown generic-looking bottle of beer.  He slams the top of the bottle on the side of the kitchen table, causing the cap to flip off the bottle and into the air, and which he catches as the audience applauds his parlor trick.}

Cone:  “You are so melodramatic.  I’ll tell you what…If you come out with me tonight I’ll let you borrow one of my suits to wear to the club.  I know you don’t have any nice clothes of your own.”

Rod:  “Yeah right!  Your suits crimp my style; way too bright and colorful.  I’ll stick with traditional black and white for the times I choose to go out, thank you.  As for the club, I’ll pass.  Too many people jumping around; I’m too motion sensitive for all that.”

Cone:  “Suit yourself.  Or rather, I’ll suit myself.  I need to get changed for tonight.  Enjoy your lonesome beer!”

{Cone turns his back to the adjoining bedroom door before moonwalking off-camera.  Rod flops back down on the overstuffed sofa and drains the entire beer, before belching loud enough to wake the dead; the audience laughs.}

Rod:  “Photons…I could get a Photon if I wanted to…”

{Cue sitcom jingle as we head to commercial.}

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