Well, we’re not all dead, so it looks like we’ll have to endure another year. 2012 gave us many things to remember, although I can’t really remember any of them right now. With that in mind, let’s look forward to 2013 and the best ways to keep your eyes healthy in the year to come.
1. Vitamins A, C, and E (the antioxidants) are good for your eyes. Vitamin Q, however, is not. NEVER take vitamin Q.
2. Despite popular knowledge, wearing someone else’s glasses will not cause your vision to deteriorate. Although wearing them might turn you into that person.
3. Avoid staring into the sun. This can cause damage to the eye known as solar maculopathy. That being said, this damage generally only occurs after prolonged viewing of the sun; if you just want to glance at it, that’s fine. The sun is pretty.
4. Flashes of light or an increase in floaters in your vision may signal a retinal detachment, which requires prompt detection and treatment. These symptoms may also be caused by attending a rave; if you hear a thumping bass beat, you probably don’t have a retinal detachment.
5. Double vision, or diplopia, is a bad thing. If ever you should see double, get yourself to an eye doctor immediately. You may have an aneurysm. You may also have a drink in your hand; if you have a drink in your hand, the diplopia is probably not as urgent, although you should get to an eye doctor soon anyway, just in case. Put the drink down first though.
6. Call your mother; she wants to hear from you. This has nothing to do with eyes, but it’s just good advice in general.
7. When your optometrist offers to dilate your pupils, go along with it. Yes, your near vision will be blown to smithereens for a couple hours. Yes, the sun will seem so bright that it’s as if the star around which our little planet revolves has a personal vendetta against you. Yes, your eyes will look as though you just indulged in an illicit mind-altering substance. However, with dilation, your optometrist can detect not only ocular abnormalities, but many, many other systemic diseases that may have as yet gone undiagnosed by your primary care physician.
8. If your eyes burn, they’re probably dry – use artificial tears. If your eyes water, they’re probably dry – use artificial tears. If your eyes feel “tired,” they’re probably dry – use artificial tears. If artificial tears, they’re probably artificial tears, use artificial tears.
9. Take your contact lenses out of your eyes. Unless you’re not wearing contact lenses. Overwearing your contact lenses can lead to the following: vision-threatening eye infections, corneal neovascularization, giant papillary conjunctivitis, corneal edema, and jelly bumps. Yes, jelly bumps. You may ask, “What are jelly bumps?” Wear your contacts for too long, and you’ll find out.
10. If you’re staring at a computer screen right now, take a break! Every 20 minutes look away from the screen for 20 seconds. Computer vision syndrome exists and is becoming an epidemic; you can avoid it entirely by just looking away. Go ahead, look away. You’re not looking away.
You’re not going to miss anything.
Really, at this point I’m just trying to be facetious.
Have you looked away yet?
So those are 10 tips for protecting your eyes for the new year. 2013 looks like it’s shaping up to be a good one, and I think we owe it to ourselves to make it count since we survived 12/21/12. Be happy, be safe, and I’ll see you at the party after we all survive 13/21/13.